Hi Marie and Volker,
First let me say that your translation was excellent Volker, and I am amazed at how quickly you were able to come up with it. Below is what I came up with (with the help of your translation) and Marie’s very helpful explanation of words and concepts. But first a few words about the difficult parts.
For starters, I would never in a million years have figured out what
“läßlich” means without the explanation and translation. The only word for it in the dictionary was “pardonable,” which didn’t seem to fit. This is obviously something that only a native speaker could possibly know. I did think that your choices of “worthless” and “meaningless” for “something you can do without” were excellent choices, Marie, and I chose “meaningless” in my translation.
I was unsure whether “profit” or “gain” was the best choice for “Gewinn.”
As far as the problem with
“ewige Mitspielerin,” I’m not sure what the best translation would be. “Teammate” was about the closest thing I could come up with. However, that doesn’t reflect the female gender as does the word Mit-Spielerin (if I am not mistaken). Someone more into sports than I am might perhaps be able to come up with something better. “Female counterpart” is the only other word I could think of which expresses the feminine attribute, but it doesn’t have the connection with sports that “teammate” has. “Partner” might be another choice.
I chose “curves” rather than “bows” in the line “in einem jener Bögen aus Gottes großem Brücken-Bau” because there is something called a “curve ball” in English (in the baseball game), and I thought it fits well. (There is still the same connection as bow or arch which are both curves.) Also, Marie, could you please give me an interpretation of this sentence. (I am assuming that the reference to “Bögen” is connected to the rainbow.)
It sounds strange in English to say that “the year throws birds,” (wie das Jahr die Vögel wirft), but I didn’t try to change it, since I couldn’t seem to come up with a better way of putting it.
I had much difficulty with the line “die eine ältre einer jungen Wärme hinüberschleudert über Meere,“ and would never have figured it out without your translation, Volker. The word order of this sentence is very confusing to me. I changed this line a bit in my translation. I don’t know if it works or not. What do you think?
“Wagnis” was another problem for me, and I would never have thought to add “game” to it. “Risk” or “Adventure” was about all I could come up with, but adding game to the risk is so much better. (Good thinking, Volker!)
“Erleichterst dir den Wurf nicht mehr” is another sentence I had lots of problems with (mainly because I need to go back and review the dative case in German). When I first read this, I thought that it was saying that “the pitch doesn’t get any easier,” and not until reading your translation, Volker, did I realize what it really means. I really must take some time to review my German. It would certainly make this all much easier.
And for the last line “Aus deinen Händen tritt das Meteor und rast in seine Räume,“ a question for Volker. Which German word implies the “hurtling” that you used or was that just a touch of your poetic abilities? I thought that “A meteor would flame out of your hands and tear through its own spaces” sounds good, but “steps” is a more literal translation of “tritt” than “flame” which would perhaps be taking too much liberty in translation!
Thanks to both of you as always. This is a very interesting poem – difficult to translate into English though, because it says several things that sound a bit strange in English - just the first line of the poem alone sounds strange, even once you understand what it means.
Okay, here is my attempt at translating this poem, most of which has been borrowed from Volker’s translation. Please advise me of any changes that you feel should be made (and please don’t worry about hurting my feelings with different choices of words! I am always open to suggestions!)
As long as you catch what you throw at yourself,
all is merely skillful but meaningless gain;
only when you suddenly become the catcher of the ball
thrown to you by an eternal teammate,
into your very center, with a precise
skillful swing, in one of those curves
of God’s great bridge-building:
only then is catching know-how an ability, –
not yours, but the world’s. And if you perhaps
had the strength and courage to throw back,
no, more wonderful still: If you forgot courage and strength
and found you had already thrown... (like the year
throws birds, the flocks of migrating birds,
thrown from an older warmth to a younger
over across the oceans – ) only
in this risky game you are in effect playing along.
You don’t throw an easy pitch anymore; you don’t
make it more difficult. A meteor steps
out of your hands and rests in its own spaces...
One last question – Do you think “skillful” or “clever” is the best choice for the translation of Geschicklichkeit in the second line? (ist alles Geschicklichkeit und läßlicher Gewinn - all is merely skillful but meaningless gain). I went with "skillful" but I think I prefer "clever."
Also, in regards to the first line, “As long as you catch what you throw at yourself,” I used “at yourself” because there is an expression “to throw a question at someone,” so I thought it might work even though this is still a strange sentence in English. “To yourself” might be better or maybe just plain “throw yourself” all by itself works just as well. I was just trying to make it more understandable. What’s the general consensus?
Lastly (I promise!), do you think that "thrown at you" would be better than "thrown to you" in this sentence: "thrown to you by an eternal teammate,"
Viele Grüße,
Linda
! I hope I'll get on with the first two lines to a point where you can recognize the poem.
